Booked!

I am so excited!  Our tickets are all booked for our Christmas journey out to Denver.  Originally we were going to drive, but the plane tickets were no more expensive than the drive would be and it's the difference of traveling for 24 hours and traveling for about 4 hours.  I'll take it!

Our original plan was to stay in Denver for a very short time, arriving on December 24th and leaving on the 26th.  But this morning my Dad surprised me and told me that he and my mom are going to head out to Denver as well!  For this reason we're going to extend our trip to the 29th.  That way we can all take the girls out to together and see some of the old places that we used to go and the house that I grew up in.  They are even going to take us all out to dinner to my favorite restaurant, The Briarwood Inn.  My dad also offered to take the kids overnight at their hotel for one night so that Jay and I can enjoy a grownup night out with friends!

This is going to be the best Christmas ever!  I am so excited!

I love Denver so much.  I haven't been there with my parents since we all moved away.  I can't wait to show the girls around.  I can't wait for them to spend time with my friends and experience the people who pretty much make my world spin!

We are going to keep the fact that my parents will be there a secret.  They're going to be shocked to see them!

December can not get here quickly enough.

Peacemaking Day

I couldn't be a more proud mama today!

It's peacemaking day and the school had a special assembly where the children made a peace pole and learned peaceful words from other cultures.  Each teacher awarded one student from their class for being an outstanding peacemaker.  BOTH of my children were chosen to receive this award!

How in the world did I luck out and get such nice kids?

Great Surprise!

On Thursday Jay and I planned a date night.  One of Jay's old friends was in San Francisco playing drums for Sondre Lerche and we planned to see them with our friends Donna and Max.  We were meeting them at a restaurant beforehand to grab a bite to eat and when we got there they had a big surprise for us!  Our friend Christian had flown out here the morning before for a surprise visit!  This was a great surprise, especially for the kids.  Christian has had Christmas with us every year for nearly a decade and Bunny has already started feeling sad about missing him this year.   She nearly started to hyperventilate when she saw him the following day!

Yesterday we met back up with Donna and Max and went out for a hike.  The hike didn't happen, but we found an excellent beach with lots of people and surfers.  We're going to head back in two weekends to picnic, swim and spend the day.  Both of the girls are really interested in surfing and CA is the perfect place to learn.

Here are a few pictures from our day!

When we got home we picked our huge watermelon.  

It is 28 lbs and perfect.  I hope that the others grow because this one is crazily delicious.  I wonder why it grew so well.  Because it was in the front yard I've had a few people stop me to talk about it.  As it turns out, growing watermelon isn't that easy to do.  I guess that I got really lucky with this one.  

Day In The Life

Our friend Felix, from NJ, is in town and came over for dinner last night.  He took this picture of us.

I haven't been blogging much lately (clearly).  I guess that my life has been pretty simple.  The school year is always an adjustment for me.  Things are more hectic and I have less time for projects at home.  That seems backward, as I always thought that I'd have TONS of time to strip furniture, make clothes and write books when my kids were in school full time, but such is not my experience.

I'm in maintenance for my weight loss, and so far so good.  I'm feeling really good with my new 1900 calorie intake and have checked in on my weight, which is remaining pretty stable.  I continue to track nutrients and calories and have evolved to base my food choices on the nutrients that I lack.  For instance, yesterday for lunch I ate half of a baked potato and half of an avocado.  I didn't do it because it's a great combination (which it actually turned out to be).  I did it because I was low on fiber and potassium.  I don't know how I ever lived my life without this information.  I just view food in such a different way than I used to.  It's like, the difference between learning to read and listening to a story.  Or, looking at a map and taking a history class.  My perspective is just completely different.  The struggle is over between me and food.  I never thought that I could have a healthy relationship with the stuff... but I do.  To say that I am proud of myself... or happy about this change, doesn't do it justice.  I finally feel free from a burden that I have carried for my entire life.  And there just aren't words for how incredible that feels.

I've amped up my workouts too.  Yesterday I began taking zumba classes and did resistance AND stepped it up on the treadmill for 60 minutes.  Today, I did the same (but with only 50 minutes on the treadmill).  I'm spending about 2 1/2 hours in the gym each day.  I go because moving my body is a therapy for me and it helps me in just about every way.  I go because it clears my mind, evaporates my stress, heals my wounds and makes me strong.  But I can't lie... I long for the day when I see some actual muscle definition.

I'm doing some volunteering at the school today.  I always love getting involved with the class.  There's a little bit of drama around my room parenting, but I've decided not to get involved.  It would have really upset and made me feel combative in the past, but these days I'm able to let it roll off my shoulder.  Maybe it's age.  Maybe it's California.  Maybe it's my husband rubbing off on me.   Maybe I'm just too tired from all exercise that I'm getting... but I've noticed, since moving here, that things don't bother me the way that they used to.  And when someone or something does bother me... I can talk myself down from the issue and better put it into perspective.

I'm pretty zen these days.  And I like it.

Garden Update

I'm preparing for my winter garden.  I'm considering growing potatoes, kale, spinach, cauliflower, radishes and carrots.  I'm not sure if I've missed the window for planting some of these.

I have one totally empty garden bed.  It used to be the home for my zucchini, round zucchini, yellow straight neck squash, California poppies, garlic and cucumbers.  The garden bed that used to have tomatoes, crookneck squash and jalapeño peppers, just has tomatoes now.  By the time I pulled my squash plants, I never wanted to see another zucchini for as long as I lived.  I have a lot frozen for the winter, so I'm sure that at some point in March I'll add it to a pot of tomato sauce.

Interestingly, just as I am preparing for my winter garden, my watermelon plant began going crazy.  It has only produced two fruit.  The first watermelon I picked way too soon.  I almost cried when we cut it open and it wasn't even pink inside.  The second watermelon is still on the vine, as I am afraid to pick it.  Now, all of the sudden, MONTHS after planting the watermelon... little babies are sprouting up all over the vine.  I hope that they survive.  I think that we'll need three more months without frost to make it happen.

My tomato plants are pretty sorry looking.  The cages that I bought them have basically collapses under the weight of the plants and the steaks do absolutely no good.  They don't seem too bothered by this, as they are more prolific than I ever could have imaged.  Each day I go outside an pick huge amounts of tomatoes.  I've been freezing the big tomatoes for winter sauce and eating A LOT of cherry tomatoes in my salads.  Let's just say that I have no deficit of vitamin C or A or  K, Potassium or Fiber.

Just today I picked this entire bowl.

I had these incredibly pathetic little cucumber plants in one of my beds.  They were never supposed to be there.  When I realized that the bed was going to be so crowded, I plucked the seeds out.  I guess that I missed a few seeds because these cucumber plants began sprouting up through the soil.  They were survivors, defying the odds, so I couldn't pluck them at that point.  They were always really pathetic looking, but I wondered if after I replenished some nutrients and pulled my squash plants they'd flourish.  NO. Not so much.  Here are all that they ever produced.  They are bizarre little pickle looking things.  I am not sure what to do with them.

Out in my backyard, my cardinal climbers continue to be my favorite thing.  They have entirely climbed up my pergola and are moving onto the roof of it now.  It's really difficult to get a good picture of this, but it has little red flowers that open in the morning and I like it because it seems to have a mind of its' own.  I have tried to direct it several times, but to no avail.  

My peppers produced a really nice, big batch of yellow and green bell peppers and I thought that I'd pluck them out and use my whisky barrel for something else.  But I can't bring myself to do it because these pepper plants just keep on giving.  They are doing so well and have another batch of peppers on them that looks pretty fantastic.

Sadly, my pumpkin vine only grew one pumpkin.  I had two vines.  One has died and the other looks pretty good.  Unfortunately the one that died is the same one that is housing my one and only pumpkin.  I think that I'm going to pick it later today, decorate it and proudly display it on my kitchen table.  

Big Success!

Big news!  This morning I reached my goal weight.  Since April 12th I've lost 55 lbs.

I'm going to copy/paste the entry that I wrote into my calories counter today and post a few pictures that I took of myself this morning.  I don't have a full length mirror, but I did my best to get full body shots of myself!

I am feeling proud and strong.  This has been a battle.  I will try to put it into words more eloquently at another time when I'm not so tired!

I MET MY GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have lost 55 lbs!!!!!!!!!

I am not skinny. No one would look at me and think that I had the "perfect body" or looked like a super model, but my BMI is now 23 and my goal weight has been reached.

I guess that this is where my real work begins. Truthfully, I thought, "I'm not thin enough though. I thought I'd be so much thinner when I got here..." And I thought, "maybe just ten more pounds..." But I recognize this as disordered thinking. It will be ten now and then ten more and then ten more. I have worked hard to get here and I am going to seriously enjoy my life!

I have lost and gained these same pounds over and over and over again in my life, but this time is different. This time I have unlearned a lot of terrible behaviors and semi-psychotic food guilt and obsession. I moved the focus off of losing weight and onto nutrition and I, for the first time in my entire life, formed a good, healthy relationship with food. This was a battle and I am a WARRIOR.

My new goal is to maintain this weight for 6 months, not going above or below it by more than 3 lbs. I work out 6 days a week and will continue to do so, as I really love it. CC tells me that I need to be eating about 2300 calories a day to maintain my current weight. That's a pretty drastic increase from the 1500 that I generally eat now. I'm increasing my calories target to 1900 per day and I'll see what happens. If I continue to lose, I'll do another increase up to 2300. I'll just tinker with it a bit until I get it right! I'll also stay here and keep aiming for A's on my nutrition grade.

Thank you so much for all of the support. This community has been a lifesaver for me. I could never have made this happen without it. I really appreciate every one of you.

My life, these days.

I really don't have anything specific to post about, so I think that I'll just write about what my life is like these days.

I can hardly believe that we are going on the 4th week of school here in California.

This year, I'm the room parent for the 2nd graders and a lot of my days are filled with beginning of the year paperwork (like scheduling volunteers, planning a new forum for discussion, communicating with other parents and putting together our class directory).  I like this a lot because it makes me feel like I'm a "part" of something.  For most of my life I have longed for a good sense of community.  I've tried to find it in groups of friends and failed.  I've tried to find it in the communities that I've lived in and failed.  When we were living in Philly and I was working on South Street, I began to feel it then.  Now, here, in California, I feel it again.

California is a much different place than anywhere else that I've lived.  Things that used to be difficult for me (feeling like I fit in and making friends) is easy for me here.  I may have mentioned it before, but after a lifetime of feeling like the odd man out, the sore thumb and the black sheep, I find that most of the people who I encounter here, are a lot like me.  Not everyone, of course.  But most of my interactions with other people are pleasant.  I don't even feel out of place at the GYM, if you can believe that.  I feel like there's an honesty about people here that culturally doesn't exist on the east coast.  It's sort of like this: back east I was weighted by this feeling that so many people were trying to become something or trying to pretend that they were something they wanted to be or admired.  Here, it broadly feels like people are just being who they are.  And other people accept them for who they are without passing judgment.  This makes me able to relax. It makes me feel comfortable and confident and good about myself.  And it makes me less fearful socially.   So, almost 9 months after moving to Northern California, I don't want to leave.  I love it here!  I still drive around, shocked by how beautiful it is and feel so grateful to live in this amazing place.

I have two upcoming events that we are all super excited about.  On November 7th we are all flying out to Denver for my friend Mathew's wedding.  Even as I write that it feels trite, as Mathew is something of a soul mate and family member to me, and not just a good friend.  I can not wait to see him get married and am so grateful to be able to go to the wedding with Jay and the girls.  Each year Jay and I go out to Denver to visit Mathew and our friend (again, feels trite) Siet, but we never bring the girls.  This will be their first trip out to Denver with us.  Bunny and Lila are going through the moon with joy.  They have met Mathew before in Philadelphia, but they've never gotten to meet Siet or her wife Jenny. Siet and Jenny are like mystical princesses to the girls.  Even though they've never met, Siet and Jenny send care packages our way on a pretty consistent basis.  They have made the girls amazing consumes and purses and were the sole reason that we started our garden in the spring.  Siet had sent the seeds.  It's amazing, because my girls really idolize these women and love them so much, and I know that Siet and Jenny love Bunny and Lila back.

My relationships with Mathew and Siet make me feel so comforted because I may not have a sister anymore, but my relationships with them feel very much like sibling relationships to me.

For Christmas we are driving out to Colorado to have Christmas with Mathew and Matthew!  I feel like we are insane to do this, but when we considered not going it felt like a heart break!  So, over the river, through the woods and around the hills of the rocky mountains, Jay, myself, Bunny and Lila will head east, 20 hours, to Denver.  It would be great to fly, but a.) it's WAY too expensive at Christmas and b.) my girls still very much believe in Santa.  We need to bring all of those presents home with us!  We will leave on December 22nd and get there on the 23rd and we'll leave Denver on the 26th and get home on the 27th.  It's going to be so fun!  I am so excited by the idea of going somewhere cold for Christmas.  Possibly there will even be snow!  All of Matthew's family will be there, and I'm already planning gifts for everyone.  I also love to cook with Mathew and just know that we're going to put together the best Christmas dinner ever!

Bunny is already mourning the loss of Christmas with her uncle Christian though. We have had Christmas with our friend Christian since before Bunny was born and she is already getting upset by not seeing him this year.  I will have to make it extra special for her.

So, these are things on my mind, what my life is like and the things that I'm looking forward to.  I'm glad that I didn't just write about the raw gazpacho that my friend Amber made me for lunch today or the bread that I baked yesterday!

Everyone out there, have a great Monday!

One Week Raw

I started this raw foods cleanse one week and one day ago.

For the first several days I felt horrible.  I wasn't just tired, I was exhausted.  I was moody.  I was headachy.  I was irritated by how difficult it was to make anything better than a salad.

Soon after this I began craving eggs.  Oddly, any time that I am protein deficient I seem to crave hard boiled eggs.  You'd think that I'd want steak or chicken, but no.  It's eggs all the way.

Because I carefully monitor my nutrients and calories, I could see that I wasn't getting enough protein.  I need about 80 grams per day and I'm getting roughly 20 on any given day.  This is with eating tons of nuts and nut butters.  To get enough protein, I would likely need my calories to go through the roof.  This is definitely not something that I could ever maintain full time.

I do feel pretty good though.  I have had people who don't know that I'm on the raw foods cleanse compliment my skin and tell me that I am "glowing."  Someone also asked what was different about me and told me that I looked good.  My energy level is up.  I did 305 minutes of cardio and about an hour of resistance training this week.   Tomorrow is my rest day.  I don't need to take and it and I'm not looking forward to taking it, but I will take it because it's so important to give your body a chance to rest.

And even though I am keeping my calories up (1400 being my lightest day), I have lost 7 pounds after 9 days of eating raw.  This makes my total weight loss 52 lbs.  So, 52 pounds down, three to go!

So, half way through my cleanse here is how I feel:

I see and feel the positive effects of eating a 100% raw diet.
I feel great.
My energy is up.
My weight loss is through the roof.
But I don't like eating 100% raw foods.
I miss baked potatoes and cooked broccoli and delicious salad dressing and soup!
I need way more protein than what I am getting and am having serious protein cravings.
This is not sustainable for me beyond a cleanse.

That said, I do think that I will try to eat completely raw for at least one day of the week and I am planning on keeping every day raw, while just eating a cooked dinner.

Because my calories are the same and my activity is so high, I don't see myself regaining this weight when I begin eating cooked foods again.

I can't believe that I am 3 pounds from my goal.

The Raw Life

I am feeling a little bit better today.

My disgruntled attitude about raw food was most likely coming from a terrible experience with raw gazpacho that I had two nights ago.  While my whole family ate grilled, marinated chicken, rice and steamed asparagus, I tried to choke down a lumpy bowl of nasty, pureed mush.  I couldn't do it.  I ended up eating a little bit of raw cabbage and calling it a night.  The following day I was plagued by headache and felt exhausted.

But yesterday, after dragging my tail through my morning workout and through my afternoon, my friend Amber swooped in to save the day.  She's also doing the raw cleanse.  The difference between she and I is that she has the gift of turning everything that she touches into deliciousness.

I made homemade pizzas, salad and pasta for the kids and Amber and I had a raw dinner.

For our appetizer I made a vegetable plate with a zucchini hummus.  Then, I made a really yummy primavera sauce that I served over kelp noodles.  Amber used a serrated peeler to create zucchini spaghetti and made an incredible pesto sauce to go with it.  It was SO GOOD.  I felt, for the first time in a couple of days, like I was eating a real, substantial meal.  And it was delicious.  To go with the salad I made a dressing from tahini and miso.  It turned out pretty great!

But dessert was what pleased me the most.  For dessert I created raw almond butter cups!  They were pretty decadent.  I could totally be a fat raw foodist, eating nuts and candy bars all day long.  One of these packs a whopping 300 calories.

Check it out!

First, I took a bowl of organic raw coconut oil and let it warm a little bit in the sunshine.  Coconut oil doesn't have to be very warm to melt, so there's no danger of cooking it.

Then I mixed in about 1/4 cup of raw agave nectar and cacao powder until it seemed to be a rich color and good consistency!  

Next, I lined a cupcake pan with cupcake wrappers and layered the chocolate mixture on the bottom.  After it set in the freezer for about 30 seconds, I spooned about a tbsp of raw almond butter on top of the chocolate!

Then, I covered the almond butter with more chocolate and sprinkled raw, shredded coconut on top!

The result was heaven for two ladies who are five days on raw foods with very few decadent treats.  The words "oh my god" were spoken in whispers a few times.  

I am feeling great!  And I'm going to make it through this. I'm feeling so good that I got on the treadmill for 60 minutes today!

Sherbert Update

Sherbert is home from the hospital.  We have him sequestered in Lila's bedroom and we're letting her sleep in our room for the week.

Sherbert is in really terrible shape.  I knew that it was bad... but I didn't anticipate it being THIS bad.  When they were prepping him for surgery last night they discovered a hole in his leg.  It's the same leg where the muscle underneath was torn and hanging.  I can't believe that he could walk on it.  It's as if something took his whole leg in its mouth and tried to chew it off.  It's HORRIBLE.  Also, they had to declaw his back paws, which are certainly very sore.  The claws had been ripped out in such a way that the only way to truly heal them was to remove what remained of his nail bed.

It's going to be a tough few days.

Sherbert is on painkillers and antibiotics and has tubes in the wounds around his leg.  The wound on his back was able to be stitched up without a tube.

He's very drugged and groggy.  But since he's gotten home, Sherbert has eaten a remarkable amount of food.  I am impressed by what a survivor he is.

Here are a couple of pictures.

Day 4 of my raw vegan cleanse

It's been a stressful couple of days, but I've stuck to my cleanse.

I'm four days into the raw vegan diet and have conflicted feelings.  I'm dropping weight like crazy even though I'm carefully tracking my calories and nutrients.  The only nutrient that I seem to consistently be at a deficit with is protein.  I've read that a lot of research shows that humans need far less protein than we consume, so I'm not sweating it.  I find it incredibly interesting that though I'm eating the exact same amount of calories, I'm losing weight very quickly now.  I'm 6 pounds away from the original goal that I set for myself.  My BMI is back within a healthy range.  I can fit into clothes that I never thought I'd be able to get over my knees again.  Of course, this didn't happen by losing just 4 lbs, but losing so much, so quickly is always noticeable.

I do not notice a difference in my energy level.  I've been working out 6 days a week- doing anywhere from 40-60 minutes of cardio a day and following up with weight resistance training when I have the time to.  With the holiday weekend I've had to work with Jay's schedule and have had limited time.  Usually I go while the kids are in school and I have all the time in the world.  It's probably too soon to see a noticeable difference in my energy level, but I have always been under the impression that it's immediate.  It's also possible that my energy level is being effected by my non-caffeinated state.

I've been pretty creative about the food that I prepare for myself, but if I'm being honest, I MISS COOKED FOOD.  I do think that I could be a happy vegan and will likely continue to eat a mostly plant based diet, but I really miss eating warm food.

I will definitely continue with this cleanse.  I'm excited to see how I feel at the end of it.  At the moment, I'm not too impressed though.  Outside of my crazy weight loss, I just don't feel much different and though I like everything that I'm eating, I wish that I could just eat a big hunk of vegetable lasagna or a bowl of steamed broccoli or a warm apple crisp.

Some of my complaints are growing pains.  The food that I'm making is unfamiliar and the preparation of it is time consuming.  For the most part I eat raw fruits and veggie during the day and then mix myself up a fancy dinner.

Last night I made raw spring rolls and I have to admit that they were just delicious!

Here's how you make the guts

1/2 head cabbage

1/4 head red cabbage

3 cloves garlic

1 medium sweet potato

1/4 up apple cider vinegar

1/4 tsp sea salt

1 tsp raw tahini 

Put it all in a food processor and shred it to bits and pieces.  Wrap it in romaine lettuce leafs and serve with a side of stacked onion, tomato and avocado.  

Tonight, I made a raw gazpacho and am dicing avocado and onion to put inside.  Avocado has been a life saver for me.  It's filling and satisfying and nutrient dense.  And I love it, which is a bonus.  

Where In The World Is Sherbert Holler

UPDATE TO MY UPDATE

Sherbert is in surgery.  It looks like he was attacked by a raccoon.  He's in bad shape.  His muscle is actually completely exposed and torn in his arm.  They have to declaw his back paws because all of the claws have been yanked out and they are just open holes.  

Sherbert will be an indoor cat from now on.

UPDATE

Sherbert is at home.  I am getting ready to take him to the Emergency Vet.  He was attacked by something.

I've never had an indoor/outdoor cat before and because I'm well aware of the dangers of letting your cat go outside, I never thought that I would.  

When Sherbert was a baby, we took him in as a foster cat, with the intention of finding him another home.  He had been rescued at 3 weeks old and was from feral cats.  Between his feral bloodline and the lack of socialization as a baby, it quickly became clear to us that Sherbert wasn't adoptable.  He has always been fearful and aggressive and his curse is that he's so cute.  People want to touch and pet him, but are usually sorry that they try to.  

When we lived in the city we could never have let Sherbert out. Not only were we in an apartment building, but Philadelphia has a terrible problem with stray cats and he never could have survived.  Through the years Sherbert became more and more aggressive with our family.  He, overall, seemed horribly unhappy.  He would attack us, relentlessly, night and day.  Most people that have met Sherbert fear him.  He was refused flight when we moved to CA for being aggressive and in order to treat him, the vet has to have him restrained, wear protective gear (I am not kidding) and have several techs on hand to help.  

When we moved to California, Sherbert's desire to go outside heightened and his aggressive tendencies became more and more...  Finally, we let him go out.  We allow him to go out in the morning and then call him to come in before dark.  During the day he comes in and out and if it gets dark and we haven't called him, he comes up to our front door and waits for us to open it.  Sherbert is a lot like a dog.  No matter where he is, if I open the door and call his name, he comes running.  

We live on a quiet street that even has speed bumps and Sherbert never wanders far.  He usually stays within a few houses of ours.  So, though I do worry about him being hit by a car, I know that he's smart and the cars here are slow.  

Sherbert has always come when called...

Until yesterday.

Yesterday when I was returning home at about 1:30 pm I thought it was strange that Sherbert didn't greet me in the driveway.  Usually he will be on standby and run over to us as soon as we pull in.  Then, when I ran back out an hour or so later, I noted that he didn't come out.  So, I texted Jay to see if he was asleep in the house.  Jay couldn't find him anywhere.  

We searched and called...

But Sherbert never came home.

I put food out on the front porch and had a very restless night, and other cats came to eat it... but not Sherbert. 

At 6AM I went out in the car, searching for his body.  But I didn't find it.

At 9AM the girls and I canvased the neighborhood, knocked on doors and talked to strangers... no one has seen him since yesterday morning.  

I know that cats do this sometimes, but I can't help but think that Sherbert is trapped somewhere and needs help.  

If he comes home, will I ever be able to let him out again?

If he doesn't come home, will I be able to live with the guilt?

I knew that this was a risk before letting Sherbert out in the first place, but because he was SO miserable indoors, I decided that a life of torture in captivity that was long and unhappy but safe was worse than a short, happy life that had significant risks.  

I can't give up hope though.  I have to believe that Sherbert will come home.  

Weekend Recipe

Try this easy, vegan smoothie recipe to start your weekend off right!  Bunny loves hers.

1/2 cup silken tofu
1/2 cup almond milk
1/2 cup blueberries
5 nice, big, plump, ripe strawberries
2 tbsp agave nectar

Toss them in your food processor and viola!

It's a whole meal.