About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Here We Go Again

Bunny's sea monkey's are still going strong 4 months later.

Yesterday we began a tank in Lila's room, but Lila's monkeys are getting the star treatment.  And now we have a societal sea monkey inequality.  Sea Monkey Compton in Bunny's bedroom and Sea Monkey Beverly Hills in Lila's bedroom.

 The Sea Monkey Ghetto
Beverly Hills Baby.  Chi-Chi-Chi

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Cabo San Lucas

We have decided to go to Cabo San Lucas for our upcoming 10 year wedding anniversary.

I feel like we've been speculating about our travel plans for this anniversary for at least a year.  First we thought that we'd go to Ireland, but after almost moving there and spending a week there in February, it didn't seem like such an exciting idea.

Then we thought Key West, but we've been there together before.  We considered Eugene, Oregon, which is one of our favorite places on earth, and we also thought about camping old school at Big Sur.  Jay and I used to love camping alone.  We still love camping, but when we used to go we had nothing but a tent, a candle and two pb&j's.  Now, we have kids and dogs, 43 blankets, every pillow we own, a camping grill, food for 14 days (even on an overnight trip), our own firewood, bottles of wine, 17 changes of clothes etc...

We have decided to go to Cabo San Lucas.  Jay really surprised me by booking the trip after a friend from our school told us that it was her favorite place on earth.

The trip feels a little bit extravagant to me, but as my husband reminded me, 10 years is a long time.

...and I can't help but allow the happiness in the longevity of my marriage be soured by thinking, especially when most people said that we wouldn't last one year.   I feel like such a negative Nelly even admitting it, but sometimes I really struggle to disassociate the beginning of my marriage from the lack of support and abundance of unkindness that I experienced at that time in my life.  

When I look back at the year I got married it is more of a sad time for me than a happy one.  Of course, this has nothing to do with my husband, and though I can only speak for myself, I love Jay more now than ever.  I really feel like he knows me (ugly parts and all) and loves and accepts me for who I am.  Every couple has their moments, but I feel fulfilled and supported by my marriage.  And I feel lucky and appreciative too.

Sometimes I wish that I could just erase the memories I have that keep a rain cloud over those early days of marriage and parenting.  I wish that I could just select to delete entire people from my past.

It's amazing how some people can hurt you so deeply that you still reflect on them sadly a decade later.

Monday, May 27, 2013

5 Year Interviews. Take 2

5 Years ago, while living in Philadelphia, PA I interviewed my children about their lives.
Today I did the same thing.
And I'll do it again in 5 years!

5 Years ago: Lila

5 Years ago: Bunny

Today: Lila

Today: Bunny

Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Little Mold (or not) On A Sunny Day- Day 14

Why in the world isn't this growing mold?

It has decomposed and gotten seriously and scarily nasty... but no mold has formed in my jar.

I could understand if I had a small fry from the Burger King inside, but two weeks ago we put organic produce and cheese under that lid.  Grow some mold already!

Confessions From A Couch Potato Chip

Without any hesitation, I tell that you I absolutely love television.  I am not one to watch something when it's on... but I like to record shows and get a little sample of everything new that comes out.

Most people know that I'm really like this about everything in popular culture.  I am just totally fascinated by things that are created to entertain people.  And though I enjoy a dynamic documentary that is meant to create movement, I also really love a mindless TV show that was only created to offer distraction.

Today, while I was doing my dishes, I started to think about The Office and how sad I am that it's over.  There are some TV shows that you sample and maybe watching a season of before losing interest in.  And then there are some that you really look forward to.  The Office was a show that I really, really loved and am sad to see it over.

I made a little mental list of TV shows that I love and wanted to share them here.  Some are old and some are still in production.  They are all favorites, but I am starting with the shows that I look forward to the most!

Boardwalk Empire
The Office
American Horror Story
The Rock of Love
Dawson’s Creek
Dance Mom’s
Teen Mom 2
House of Cards
The Real World
The Facts of Life
Modern Family
Arreseted Development
Party Down
Parks and Recreation
Twin Peaks

The Following
A Baby Story
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Paula's Home Cooking
The Real Housewives of Atlanta 

Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Homestretch

I am wildly, emphatically, gleefully and eagerly counting down the hours to the last day of school, probably even more so than my children are.

Summer vacation, I can practically taste you.  And you are sweet like watermelon.

Here's what I want to do:  NOTHING for at least 2 weeks.

I want to live in my swimsuit and flip flops, read books and have lazy, lazy, lazy days by the pool.

I want to do so little, that by the end of August we are all bored out of our skulls and can't wait to get back to the chaos and over-scheduling that seems to pin us down every fall and hold us in place until the beginning of June.  I want to get some rest and recharge my batteries.

I want my kids to be outside, playing and using their imaginations and bodies.  I want them to live in their swimsuits and to get muddy and to come home at night feeling like they've adventured and had whole days with no where they had to be.  I want to ride bikes, camp, toast marshmallows and sit on the beach.  We are going to spend two weeks in Naples with my parents and I am really looking forward to being at a beach where you can swim.  The Gulf is as warm as bath water and you can be over your head and still see shells on the sand clearly.  Some people do not like Florida in the summer time, but I think that they are nuts!  I love it.

Lately, life has been work, work, work, drama with the kids, work, work, work, work.  I am rushing from one place and get there late, only to rush to my next place and arrive late.  I am WAY too busy for my own good.  This week was especially taxing and emotional because, out of nowhere, Lila began experiencing (what I can only describe as) separation anxiety.  She has not had this happen since pre-school, and even then it did not last more than a few days.  This entire week was drenched in tears, unfounded fear and anxiety for Lila.  I had to take her out of school one day, meet with her teacher over and over, see the pediatrician and meet with the principal of the school. Also, I needed to be present in the school for most of the day, a few times this week.  I had to take her out for lunch and sit with her at recess.

It had me wondering, am I doing more harm by being present?

But I'm glad that I did it.  When I would show up for lunch and recess I tried not to hover too much.  I just sort of sat there, so that Lila knew that I had kept my word and feel comforted by my presence, but I did not get involved with her conversations or games.  At first she was very clingy, but by Friday she couldn't have cared less that I was there.  So, I guess that I did the right thing on this particular occasion.

Being a parent can be so tricky.  My instinct was to swoop in, grab my daughter and tell the school that they should send her work home to me for the rest of the year and that I will do it there with her and turn it in.  But, I think doing that, in this case, would have taught her avoidance and escapism.  So, I knew that there must be a middle ground.  There must be a way to help her feel supported and comforted, while still teaching her to work through her anxiety and fear.  This time, this worked.  We got through the week.  I am hopeful that next week will be better and that the following week will be celebratory!  Then the school year is over.  7 more days!  It's the homestretch.

I can't help but wonder what amount of this anxiety is about the change of NOT moving?  Lila is almost 8 years old and this is the longest that we've lived in a house since she was 2.  This is the longest that she has been at one school.  This is the most relationship development that she's ever had with people outside of her family.  I know that a month or so ago I looked around my house and freaked out a little bit.  The yard needs more maintenance that we've given it.  We have an accumulation of "stuff" that we need to toss... like school papers and cards and the house needed a closet cleaning and reorganization.  My initial thought was, "we really need to move soon."  Because every year for the past 4 years we've moved before we even had the opportunity to completely unpack.  But this time we are not moving.  We are staying in our rental house until we are ready to buy a house of our own.  And we probably won't do that that until Twitter goes public.  So, it could be awhile.  For the first time ever, we are settling in.  And I am wondering if some of that adjustment will be uncomfortable in its unfamiliarity.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Sister Bunny Holler

Bunny has always been pretty serious about Jesus.

I can remember being young and thinking that most people were faking their faith.  I was skeptical at best and an Atheist on a bad day, bored in church and generally disbelieving.  As an adult I am still pretty uncertain about everything.  I just don't know what to believe and I don't ever pretend that I do.

Last night we had our last "First Holy Communion Meeting" of the year.  The girls received their first communion on May 5th and we needed to go over to the church, receive our certificates and eat some cake.

Religious education isn't something that I feel strongly about, but because we are in a Catholic school, the kids are getting a Catholic education.  Jay and I were both raised Catholic, so our families are both overjoyed, but we both dragged our feet on it.  I've been pleasantly surprised by the religious education at our church though.  All of the teachings have been based in kindness and love.  There has been no talk of Hell, punishment or of fearing the wrath of God.  Rather, it's about reflecting Jesus' love through kindness and joy and letting all of your actions encompass this love.  I can't see anything wrong with that!  Because we go to a Catholic School we've become part of the Catholic community and a lot of that happens at mass.  So, we do go to mass here and there, though my daughter would like to turn our visits into once or twice a week.

Before our meeting last night I was eating dinner with the kids.  Periodically I check in with them to see how they are feeling about religion.   Bunny has always been a believer, but Lila never has much to say.

Last night Lila said that she would believe it when she sees it.  She was like, "I just don't get it.  How can someone rise from the dead?  It doesn't make any sense.  I'm not saying that I don't think he was a person or something.  I just don't think anyone can rise from the dead. And if God made everything, who made God?"  That's sort of where I stand.  It's hard to suspend your disbelief, Lila.  I hear ya.  
But Bunny actually surprised me.  She said that she believes in God and specifically Jesus.  She said that she feels the love of Jesus all of the time and in everything that she does.  She said that she feels Jesus' presence and that he sometimes visits her in her dreams.  Her relationship with God seemed very personal and very real to me.

It was pretty clear to me that Bunny has true faith that doesn't come from school or church.  There's something inside of her that I don't quite get, but recognize as being very important.   Coming from our home, I don't see how she could feel so confident in this, yet she is.  I could see that it wasn't something that Bunny thought, instead it was something that she feels in her heart.  Bunny really "gets it."

Through the month of June the church is having evening bible study on Monday night and I have promised to take Bunny to them.  Also, she wants to go to bible school over the summer.  And I have agreed to start taking her to church EVERY Sunday.

Who knows, maybe we'll have a nun in the family.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Bloggers Remorse

Yesterday, I published a post in my blog that I truly regret.

The blog post was inspired by my daughter Lila, who is seven years old and has been gifted with an unshakable, completely beautiful, strong and amazing spirit and confidence.  Despite being clinically overweight and living in a country where being fat is popularly perceived as less healthy than smoking cigarettes, my daughter dares to love and accept herself completely.  At seven years old she is wiser than just about every adult I know.

I wrote my blog post because I admire my daughter.  I fear that as she gets older she will lose the self-esteem and spirit that she has.  Already, I hear her classmates discussing weight and dieting, and I do not every want my daughter to feel like she's anything less than completely perfect.  She is, after all, a very healthy child- no matter what number appears on the scale at her pediatrician's office.

So, several weeks ago I bought my very first bikini.  I took some "before" pictures and intended to take "after" pictures when I felt I looked good enough to wear it in public.  Initially I intended to post my transformation pictures in my blog and part of a fitness segment that I've been trying to keep up with.

But Lila inspired me to take a look at myself and try to show the world that as a normal weighted, fully healthy person, I have plenty of meat on my bones without being fat.  So, I decided to publish my flawed pictures yesterday and posed the question "If you are not thin, are you fat?"

I wanted people to think about the fact that we culturally call healthy weighted people names that are associated with being overweight, such as chubby, chunky and thick.  People like Marilyn Monroe, Christina Hendricks and Tracy Dimarco, to name a few.

I really wish that I hadn't done this.

My blog post has had more views in the last 24 hours than any of my other posts has ever had.  Though I had no public comments, I had plenty of messages from concerned friends.  Now most of these messages came from a place of love and I don't want to dismiss or discredit that, so if YOU are a person who sent me a concerned message, please do not feel like I am angry with you or am attacking you in this blog.

Sadly, the point of my blog post was completely lost, burried beneath those stupid pictures. My entire post became about how I look in a bikini to people and about how I view myself.  This really makes me feel angry, because that entirely defeats the purpose.  I got messages from people accusing me of hating my daughter, disgusted because I said that she was overweight.  I got messages from people worrying about my self esteem and telling me not to be so hard on myself or so obsessive about my appearance and I got messages from people who wanted to know why I don't know that I'm thin.

The post that I meant to be empowering suddenly became the opposite.  And I hadn't expected this.  I hadn't meant for these pictures to be the focus of my post, but instead thought that they'd be an addition to it.  A support for it.

I did worry about posting my pictures, mostly because when you see people in a bikini they are generally in great shape.  I, though entirely healthy, do not have a particularly thin or athletic body.  But THAT is the very reason that I thought it was important to do it.  People chose to be mean in a whole different and unanticipated way.

Of all the messages I got, no one had anything to say about what the post was actually about- which is a mother wanting to preserve her daughters self-esteem and break the cycle of shame.

I'm really sorry that the message that I intended to come through was largely swallowed by my bellybutton.  I am not sure why it happened, but I regret the whole post.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

A Little Mold on a Sunny Day (Day 7)

Well, it definitely looks funky.  The romaine lettuce and the strawberries have all but disappeared and the contents are this jar have shrunk significantly, yet, still no mold.

If You Are Not Thin, Are You Fat?

My 7 year old daughter is overweight.  Since she was a toddler, she has been much larger than other children her age.  

The doctor's often marveled at how chubby she was.  At 12 months old she was about 30 pounds.  She was so roley-poley that she never actually crawled because it was tough for her to get her belly off the floor.  Our pediatrician said that she would likely be a late walker because of her large size, but low and behold, she was an early walker.  At ten months old she picked herself up and began moving.  

As she's gotten older, she has gained a real appreciation for food (sort of like her mama).  She likes buying it, chopping it, preparing it, cooking it and of course, eating it.  She's a pretty healthy eater also. It's not unusual for her to ask me to pack her a salad for lunch or to choose and apple or grapes to munch on as a snack and her vegetables are always the first thing she eats.  Just yesterday she was telling me that when she grows up she'd like to open a really fancy salad restaraunt with a huge salad bar (because I'm a responsible mom I explained to her that really fancy restaurants don't have salad bars ,to which she scoffed and said, "I don't care.  Mine does.") I'm not going to claim that she doesn't love her sweets, because she does... she's seven, after all.  But we don't have a house that is packed with candies and cookies.  

So, as far as her body goes, my daughter is probably always going to be a little bit overweight.  It's just the way she is.  And that is quite normal for her.  She is healthy, active and most importantly, she really likes herself.  

As a person who has struggled with her weight and who has let her weight define her value as a human being for all of her life, I am worried about passing my unhealthy perceptions and attitudes about weight onto my confident and happy child.  I suspect that my struggles with body image and self-esteem regarding my weight is one of the first things that people associate with me, sadly.  This quality in me has become, unfortunately, definitive across the boards.  

Many will say, "well, it doesn't matter what you do, because the world will make her feel badly about herself anyway..." and I have given this a lot of thought.  At this point, children have pointed out to my daughter that she's larger than they are.  All kids note differences.  And my daughter says things like, "I really experience the joy in being chubby," or, "I wouldn't be so cute without my adorable chubby cheeks," or (and I squirm as I write this,) "Look at my fat belly, it's from all those healthy foods I eat."  She is aware that she is a larger person and she truly loves herself and accepts herself.

So, everything concerning the way my daughter feels about herself and her health is wonderful, but the world is a pretty fucked up place for women. And I wish that I could take her to a different world where as she grows up, everyone and everything isn't going to insist that there is something wrong with her.

My child deserves to live in a world where she is ENTITLED to like her overweight body. My child is ENTITLED to feel beautiful at a weight that society has arbitrarily deemed "too much."  I deserved this as well, but it was not the hand that I was dealt.  I will be damned if my daughter is going to experience the shame that I have felt without seeing me in the front lines fighting for the preservation of her self-esteem.  

All of the women in the pictures above are generally thought of as big, thick, chunky, chubby women.  This makes me wonder, if you are not thin, do people think that you are fat?  If you are big, are you fat?  Is there anything truly wrong with being a little bit fat? Or, having some meat on your bones? Is it less attractive?  To who? Is it less healthy? According to who? 

Frankly, I have seen women who outweigh me by 100 lbs run faster and harder than I can.  With far better endurance as well.   

I am 36 years old.  I have 2 children.  I am 5'10.  I weigh 150 pounds.  I wear a size 8 to 10.  My BMI is 21.5 and I work out more often than I don't,  yet the world makes me feel like I'm a little bit big.  I am, in every respect, totally normal.  

Now, because I am on fire right now, I am going to do something brave.  I am going to post the bikini pictures that I took and intended to post after meeting my goals and transforming my body.   This is really hard for me to do.  Even taking the picture was diffiuclt.  I can not imagine going out in public while wearing this.

I am posting these pictures because I want to make the point that THIS is what normal is for me.  This is what healthy looks like on me.  Do I have meat on my bones, YES!  I have a little extra chub in a whole bunch of places.  I am also stronger than ever.  I am in better physical shape than I have ever been in.  I have a healthy diet.  I am a totally normal, average person...  and that, my friends, is not thin for me.

This is what average looks like for ME.  

This is what I look like.  This is how I wear "healthy."  

And I am really sick and tired of living in a world that says average and healthy is chubby.  

I want my daughter to live in a world where she can be her own size.  She can define what is comfortable with her and not be criticized and told that there is something wrong with her.  And because I can not take her to a different planet, it looks like I'm going to have to change the world.

And that starts with changing myself.  

And now I'm going to go and have a good, long cry.  

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Little Mold On A Sunny Day (Day 4)

Shouldn't more be happening?  The only thing in here that isn't organic is the bread (white bread- hot dog bun).

Monday, May 13, 2013

A Little Mold On A Sunny Day- (Day 3)

Pushups 2 Pin ups Boot camp- Day 1

Today I sweat sugar, as they say at Push Ups 2 Pin Ups.

I did it!

This morning I rolled out of bed and instead of heading to my gym to do my standard workout, I begrudgingly fearfully excitedly rolled on over to Concord's local boot camp for women.

When I say that I was scared, I mean that I had to talk myself into going over and over and over and over and over until the moment the doors opened and I walked inside with about a dozen other women.  I hushed the voices that said, "you're tired today, just start on Wednesday.  Don't worry about it.  You know you'll do it eventually, when you're ready.  What's one day? It's going to be so hard.  You'll be the worst one there.  You won't be able to keep up."    I just bit the bullet and I started moving.

I am so proud of myself.

And I was totally the worst one there, but I didn't care and I don't think that anyone else did either.

Even though I work out every day, I'm just not fit.  I work out for lots of reasons, my number one reason being to relieve stress and work through emotions.  I'm not really one to push myself.  Though, I do workout hard from time to time, I usually stay within my comfort zone.

Today, I was so far out of my comfort zone that I forgot it even existed.  I was presented with the hardest workout that I've ever had, and though I had to modify some aspects of it to my own fitness level, I stuck it out and my body feels like jelly.

Again, I am so proud of myself.

The trainer LaTasha, was A-MAZ-ING.  She was the perfect combination of caring and unforgiving.  I felt motivated, understood and inspired the whole time I was there, and I am really excited to return.  I am really excited to push myself.  And I am really excited to get in the best shape of my life.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, so I am just going to go back to my gym afterward and try to get in a nice strengthening workout, but on Wednesday I am back to Pushups 2 Pinups for my second boot camp.

As I wrote previously, this is a bikini boot camp for me.  I am pairing these difficult workouts with a very clean and healthy diet for the next two weeks.

After my shower today, I put on my first bikini ever and took my "before" pictures.  Friends, this was a really difficult task for me. I have anxiety just thinking about them.  I even considered posting them now so that they don't haunt me like some sort of dirty secret, but I think that I'll wait until the end of the two weeks so that I can post them with the confidence that I have improved.

My friend Amber texted me this yesterday and I've been thinking about it ever since.  It's really resonating with me, making me feel strong and capable- which all I ever really want to be.  :)

I feel like today was a turning point for me.  Something really good is about to happen.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I'm Becoming a Doula, Doncha Know!

After reestablishing this blog, it occurred to me that I should mention what I'm doing professionally!  Those who know me understand that until recently there has been nothing that I've wanted to do professionally for more than 5 minutes.  I have lots of likes and interests and I have given 1 million percent of myself to my children, but I have never been particularly career driven, until now!

Please visit the Doula Diaries to read about my journey in becoming a Postpartum Doula!  www.douladiaries.com

Coincidentally, two great friends of mine have chosen to join the doula movement recently as well!  Together we are journaling our experiences and sharing our knowledge and community.  I have been friends with Tali since 1993 and I have been friends with Mandie since 2001.  I find so much joy in sharing my education through our blog, but I find even more joy in reading about THEIR experiences.  Both of these women make me take pause each and every day.  They help me to see things from a new perspective and I learn as much from them as I do our Childbirth And Postpartum Association curriculum!

Truthfully, I am delighted and pleased by how easily things are falling into place! As friends have always said, "when it is meant to be, it happens."  Families are eagerly needing the services that I am offering and I am already having to ask families to wait until I have completed my training process before I can feel totally confident in offering them the best care imaginable.  By October I hope to have completed my certification and to have received accreditation from the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association. 

In the mea

ntime I am practicing my education on my own family, working hard and enjoying my education.

A Little Mold on a Sunny Day (Day 2)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

A Little Mold on a Sunny Day (day 1)

Today we attended the Young Author's Book Faire, where Lila Holler received a first place award for the book of poetry that she submitted to the contest.  At the Faire they had a Scholastic Book sale.  Bunny, in true form, bought a booked called Gross Science by Paul Beck.

This book is full of creepy, crawly, stomach turning experiments like creating a bacteria farm, balloons of stink, garbage smoothies, fake snot,  maggot roundups, slimy putty and a worm ranch!

It's pretty nasty.

We've only been home for a few minutes and Bunny is already pleading to make some stinky stuff.  Some things require a trip to the grocery store, but fortunately we have many of the ingredients that it takes to create several of the projects in our kitchen.  And oddly, I have never thought of them as projects, so much as things to avoid because they could likely poison us all.

But, that's just me...

Today, much to the delight of my 9 year old daughter, we grow mold!

Bunny filled a mason jar with strawberries, cheese, bread and lettuce.  Now we will take picture of it each day for two weeks, or until the whole entire thing is full of green and blue fuzz!

And lucky you, I'll be taking a picture every day so that you can see our progress!  :)

You're welcome.

A New Challenge!

I am super-excited ya'll!  I have won two free weeks at a fitness boot camp called Push-ups to Pinups!  

If you've ever read my blog, you know that last year I lost about 70 pounds in under 6 months time.  Statistically, because of the quick rate of my weight loss, I am damned to regain these pounds (and 25 more) within two years time, and trust me, it's not my first time at the rodeo.  Call me Kirstie Alley.   

The good news, I have kept the 70 lbs that I lost off of my body for 8 months now.  

The bad news, I've gotten a little bit lazy.

I promised myself that after maintaining my weight for six months I would reevaluate my body and decide if I wanted to make any changes.  As planned, a couple of months ago I reevaluated and decided that I'd like to really tone up and lose about 20 more pounds.  Something really needs to click for me when making these changes and I just couldn't get in the right head-space to make it happen at that time.  Motivation was no where to be found.  In the past couple of months I have seen my work-outs become lazier and my diet become sloppier.  I am usually pretty shocked when I get on the scale and see that my weight hasn't fluctuated at all.  

And last week at 8:26.15 on Wednesday morning while the sky was overcast and the sun set low some point, I got back to harder workouts at the gym and someone triggered my motivation button and I began to feel excited about fitness again.

... so I went swimsuit shopping at the TJ Maxx (I can't bring myself to spend $100 on a swimsuit).  While shopping for a trusty tankini, I found a bikini that I LOVED.  And better yet, it was marked from $112 to $29.99.  And despite the fact that I couldn't bring myself to so much as leave the dressing room to look in the vanity mirrors, I swallowed the pill and bought the bikini.  

Isn't it just beautiful? 
The following day I learned that I won this mini-membership to the boot camp.  Because I need a huge change in my exercise routine, this could not have come at a better time.  I feel like I've been sitting at the bottom of a rut and someone just threw me a climbing rope to shimmy up.  

I have decided that beginning on Monday, I will begin both a diet and exercise boot camp.  My challenge will be to see how much I can transform my body in two weeks time.  I will eat 1500 calories per day, mostly in raw vegetables and lean proteins and go to the boot camp or the gym every, single day.  I will drink only water (buh-bye wine) and I will eat no grains (which I'm not supposed to anyway).  

My goal is to feel confident in my new bikini!  At the end of this two week period, I hope that my transformation is enough to post before and after pictures in it! 

Here is what I look like now.  This photograph was taken yesterday.  

I am going to rock this challenge.