About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Bloggers Remorse

Yesterday, I published a post in my blog that I truly regret.

The blog post was inspired by my daughter Lila, who is seven years old and has been gifted with an unshakable, completely beautiful, strong and amazing spirit and confidence.  Despite being clinically overweight and living in a country where being fat is popularly perceived as less healthy than smoking cigarettes, my daughter dares to love and accept herself completely.  At seven years old she is wiser than just about every adult I know.

I wrote my blog post because I admire my daughter.  I fear that as she gets older she will lose the self-esteem and spirit that she has.  Already, I hear her classmates discussing weight and dieting, and I do not every want my daughter to feel like she's anything less than completely perfect.  She is, after all, a very healthy child- no matter what number appears on the scale at her pediatrician's office.

So, several weeks ago I bought my very first bikini.  I took some "before" pictures and intended to take "after" pictures when I felt I looked good enough to wear it in public.  Initially I intended to post my transformation pictures in my blog and part of a fitness segment that I've been trying to keep up with.

But Lila inspired me to take a look at myself and try to show the world that as a normal weighted, fully healthy person, I have plenty of meat on my bones without being fat.  So, I decided to publish my flawed pictures yesterday and posed the question "If you are not thin, are you fat?"

I wanted people to think about the fact that we culturally call healthy weighted people names that are associated with being overweight, such as chubby, chunky and thick.  People like Marilyn Monroe, Christina Hendricks and Tracy Dimarco, to name a few.

I really wish that I hadn't done this.

My blog post has had more views in the last 24 hours than any of my other posts has ever had.  Though I had no public comments, I had plenty of messages from concerned friends.  Now most of these messages came from a place of love and I don't want to dismiss or discredit that, so if YOU are a person who sent me a concerned message, please do not feel like I am angry with you or am attacking you in this blog.

Sadly, the point of my blog post was completely lost, burried beneath those stupid pictures. My entire post became about how I look in a bikini to people and about how I view myself.  This really makes me feel angry, because that entirely defeats the purpose.  I got messages from people accusing me of hating my daughter, disgusted because I said that she was overweight.  I got messages from people worrying about my self esteem and telling me not to be so hard on myself or so obsessive about my appearance and I got messages from people who wanted to know why I don't know that I'm thin.

The post that I meant to be empowering suddenly became the opposite.  And I hadn't expected this.  I hadn't meant for these pictures to be the focus of my post, but instead thought that they'd be an addition to it.  A support for it.

I did worry about posting my pictures, mostly because when you see people in a bikini they are generally in great shape.  I, though entirely healthy, do not have a particularly thin or athletic body.  But THAT is the very reason that I thought it was important to do it.  People chose to be mean in a whole different and unanticipated way.

Of all the messages I got, no one had anything to say about what the post was actually about- which is a mother wanting to preserve her daughters self-esteem and break the cycle of shame.

I'm really sorry that the message that I intended to come through was largely swallowed by my bellybutton.  I am not sure why it happened, but I regret the whole post.


  1. Anna - you were so brave to put out there what Lila feels about herself. I hadn't commented yet on your other post, but want to thank you so much for the message you put out there. I totally got it because you and I deal with the same issues. I'm so sorry that people interpreted your message the wrong way. Please don't regret what you wrote. It was said just the way you meant it and I know that those that are meant to get it totally will. <3

  2. Anna I am so sad to read this! Whoever those people are can't intelligently decipher the meaning of your blog post. I thought it was truly wonderful that your were able to put yourself out there and even more so for your daughter. The sad reality is that we live in a society knocking people down for trying to make a difference. I appreciated your post. Live without regrets friend! xoxo